Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Voyage of Somalia

This is a story which I have made. It's a fiction story on pirates. Please give feedback.


It was a cloudy day in Brazil and I was on the Atlantico, the fastest ship of the Atlantic Ocean. The beauty was a cocoa brown boat with green sails which meant we were an unofficial crew. The boat was made in 1874, two years before our voyage. Initially, I thought I was the only best in our ship. I guess I was wrong

Now let’s go on about my adventure. The aqua shade of blue reflected my face. Although it was May, the sea bubbled ferociously and I could almost taste those fried crabs. Very famished, I decided to go for an early dinner with some of my mates. But the minute I went to the dinner hall, I was caught and a cloth soaked with chloroform was plunked on my mouth.

I later found out that the ship I was on was a pirate ship. The Shemaroo it was called. I had boarded the wrong ship! After I had overheard 2 scrawny rascals of our boat talk about it, I spent about 2 hours writing on the walls of the prison on how stupid I was.

While they nicely ate their scrumptious, luscious and mouth-watering fried crabs with the juice of pig intestines, I was given a meal of Butterfly wing soup a delicacy made by Sway Athi. Boy was it the most ghastly and sordid thing I have ever tasted. I was so sleepy that I went straight to bed the minute I was done.

I woke up with a cawing of some sort. After I had come to my senses, I realized it was a purple parrot that was spreading messages. Shiver me timbers! We are already in South Africa! Shiver me timbers! The wretched bird wouldn’t stop screeching so I finally got up.

After I was done brushing my teeth, I was told to come out by a shaggy, eye patched pirate. The minute I came out I noticed that the sails of the Shemaroo were a shade of dark black. Gulp! I knew what that meant. I was told that I would be introduced to the whole crew.

The guy who called me was Eyeballs. I started to wonder how he got the name. After all, he only had one eyeball. Next came the two scrawny brats who drank too much of Nicola rum. Their names were Manoy and Scredt. After that was a wriggly, slimy dirt ball creature called Slimes. No doubts there. The three members of the clean-up crew were next. They were Dust, Scrub and Polish. They were real nasty. All I could come up with about them is the right name for the right career. Last were Captain Penlit and his purple parrot Pupink. They were a great team and Pupink could even talk. He advised Penlit whenever he had a problem.

For two months, I worked with the crew and I actually stopped detesting Butterfly Wing soup. Even though I was treated reasonably, I still did not feel safe with the pirates. I longed for the Atlantico, where I would see all of my friends and family again.

I don’t know how but it seemed that the Atlantico heard my call. Five days later they came searching for me. I was sitting in prison when I heard somebody. I looked up to see who it was. I turned out to be Lulken and Radgo, my brothers. They got Pup to give us the keys so I could escape.
The minute we were going to jump off the boat, we noticed Dust, Scrub and Polish blankly staring at us. The next moment they called the pirates and I felt life those fried crabs. My heart was thumping like rabbit feet and my life like a speedometer. Boy did we have the fight of our lives. I took on Manoy, Scredt, Dust, Polish and Scrub all at one time. There were clashes of swords and booms of guns. We finally won. We took all of the ship’s goodies and returned to the Atlantico.

“That was a great story Uncle Allan!” said my nephew Marcof. “Yaah! It was like so totally cool! But how come there was no romance?” Said Emily. I leaned in their ears and whispered, “Now, who told you there was no romance? I ended up loving the Butterfly Wing soup didn’t I?” We all had a hearty laugh about it and then they fell asleep.

5 comments:

  1. Very good story Niks!!! I really loved it.
    - Dad

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  2. Dear Niketa,

    Hi this is aunty archana. do not mind my criticism it is all in positive spirit. I certainly do see a budding author with amount of imagination you carry in your little head. Now the tough part:

    I read the kite. It starts wonderfully where you have personified the kite.
    - But i feel when the competition is on you could have personified the other kites too instead of them being boring check or butterflies.

    - You use too many adjectives. At times they add to the personification and at times they take you away from the story (which is not nice).

    - Keep your story tight. After writing it, don't read it for 2-3 days. Go back read them again as if somebody else has written. That is read it objectively you will understand the points i am trying to make.

    Oops seems i made a whole sermon. But please do keep writing you have it in you.

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  3. This is a cool story - I love the names you came up with. That Manoy guy sounds too much like he can use a name-change, or at least a letter change, like maybe his last letter? :-)

    Love it!

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  4. i'm going to have to say this is my favorite :3
    very nice. but i agree with ur aunty archana and her tips. other than that keep writing ^_^.

    yah! can't wait to read more

    - Revati

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  5. Thanks so much everyone!! I have added two more posts so be sure to check those out too...

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